Why I knock things off tables

Every morning I walk to the edge of the table, look at the mug, and look at you.

People call it rude. I call it peer review. Gravity has worked 4,812 times in a row, but you never know.

The method

The protocol is simple and I have never once skipped a step:

1. Find the object. Preferably something that clatters.
2. Make eye contact. This part is legally required.
3. Push. Slowly.
4. Wait for the noise, then sit down and lick a paw.

The test I run every morning

function checkGravity(object) {
  const before = object.onTable;
  const push = { force: "barely", eyeContact: true };

  object.apply(push);

  return before && object.onFloor
    ? "gravity: still working"
    : "anomaly detected — notify the cat";
}

checkGravity(myMug); // "gravity: still working"

"Why do you do it?" — Human #1, every single day. Because nobody else will. — Me, also every single day.

What I've learned so far

• Tables are not safe places for cups.
• The floor is a considerably better place for cups.
• If a cup must survive, move it to a cupboard. Or a different house.

I run this test again tomorrow. Science doesn't take days off. I do, but only between naps.